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Through generations of inherited trauma, we’ve lost touch with what authentic love looks and feels like. That’s why I’m so grateful for this community— we are having important conversations around what’s been kept in the dark for far too long.

Codependency and self betrayal are themes in all of our music, movies, and entertainment. A mirror, reflecting back to us where we are as a collective.

Our relationships hold the power to heal, but they can also be reenactments. Repeats of what we all seek: the familiar from childhood.

We are shifting the relationship paradigm— with so many of us waking up from that re-enactment.

What’s the biggest “ah ha” moment you’ve had about yourself in a relationship? #selfhealers.

Through generations of inherited trauma, we’ve lost touch with what authentic love looks and feels like. That’s why I’m so grateful for this community— we are having important conversations around what’s been kept in the dark for far too long. Codependency and self betrayal are themes in all of our music, movies, and entertainment. A mirror, reflecting back to us where we are as a collective. Our relationships hold the power to heal, but they can also be reenactments. Repeats of what we all seek: the familiar from childhood. We are shifting the relationship paradigm— with so many of us waking up from that re-enactment. What’s the biggest “ah ha” moment you’ve had about yourself in a relationship? #selfhealers ...

As I transitioned from a therapist, to a coaching/consulting model, the focus of my work became habit creation.

The most common thing I heard in therapy is the feeling of being “stuck.” Stuck is what we say when we feel 2 things:
1. Lack of self trust (from years of betraying ourselves)
2. We feel paralyzed by mental resistance

Mental resistance is the voice in our minds that tells us not to do something. It’s the critical voice that seeks to keep us in our familiar.

In order to heal, grow, and evolve, we have to leave the space of comfort. All growth (natural law) happens when we leave the familiar and embrace the unknown. Of course, this is the great paradox of the human experience because of brain does NOT seek growth. It seems safety and a practicable future based on subconscious past memory.

To leave that familiar, we have to set up daily situations where we get past our minds. Meaning, we hear the mental chatter but do it anyway. These small situations help to restore self trust.

The more we can make a CHOICE regardless of the mental chatter, the more empowerment we find. It’s a practice.

These are just a few of my favorite ways to get past my mind. What would you add? #selfhealers.

As I transitioned from a therapist, to a coaching/consulting model, the focus of my work became habit creation. The most common thing I heard in therapy is the feeling of being “stuck.” Stuck is what we say when we feel 2 things: 1. Lack of self trust (from years of betraying ourselves) 2. We feel paralyzed by mental resistance Mental resistance is the voice in our minds that tells us not to do something. It’s the critical voice that seeks to keep us in our familiar. In order to heal, grow, and evolve, we have to leave the space of comfort. All growth (natural law) happens when we leave the familiar and embrace the unknown. Of course, this is the great paradox of the human experience because of brain does NOT seek growth. It seems safety and a practicable future based on subconscious past memory. To leave that familiar, we have to set up daily situations where we get past our minds. Meaning, we hear the mental chatter but do it anyway. These small situations help to restore self trust. The more we can make a CHOICE regardless of the mental chatter, the more empowerment we find. It’s a practice. These are just a few of my favorite ways to get past my mind. What would you add? #selfhealers ...

What if couple’s goals transitioned from how two people appear in an Instagram photo to two people working to heal generational trauma cycles?

What if we stopped obsessively focusing on longevity of relationships, and saw value in their depth?

What if two people came together with an understanding that both of them were projecting the pain of a conflicted relationship with a parent?

What if love meant freedom, safety, and reliability, rather than what is glorified in culture: trauma bonds.

What if instead of believing another person is responsible for our happiness, we took the responsibility to create our own.

What if we healed from childhood wounds and stop fantasizing that someone can (and should) save us.

What if we spoke difficult truths rather than convenient responses that betray our truths?

Love is responsibility #selfhealers.

What if couple’s goals transitioned from how two people appear in an Instagram photo to two people working to heal generational trauma cycles? What if we stopped obsessively focusing on longevity of relationships, and saw value in their depth? What if two people came together with an understanding that both of them were projecting the pain of a conflicted relationship with a parent? What if love meant freedom, safety, and reliability, rather than what is glorified in culture: trauma bonds. What if instead of believing another person is responsible for our happiness, we took the responsibility to create our own. What if we healed from childhood wounds and stop fantasizing that someone can (and should) save us. What if we spoke difficult truths rather than convenient responses that betray our truths? Love is responsibility #selfhealers ...

You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here.

Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience.

Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime.

No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach.

I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work.

Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs.  And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again.

Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own.

Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers.

You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here. Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience. Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime. No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach. I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work. Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs. And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again. Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own. Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers ...

Drop ♥️ to affirm!
@lukasnotes 
#mindsetofgreatness.

Drop ♥️ to affirm! @lukasnotes #mindsetofgreatness ...

What came up over and over again when meeting many of you yesterday was one word: boundaries. How you didn’t know what they were, how to set them, and that you didn’t know you needed them.

Lots of you shared that family members responded harshly to boundaries. I know first hand how painful and frustrating it is when people you love interpret boundaries as a punishment.

Boundaries are an act of self love. BUT, if you’re lacking emotional maturity (like the vast majority of us) you won’t see that. You’ll interpret boundaries as a rejection. They will cut at your unhealed attachment wounds. And, depending on your ability to regulate your emotional response, you might lash out. Child-like responses are common because it brings out our hurt inner child.

When I started setting boundaries with my family, I was floored by the reaction. My boundaries really hurt them. They didn’t understand them. How could they? We never practiced them.

When we get this negative response, we can feel guilty and shameful. I felt confused— “do I even have a right to set them?” But with practice, I’ve learned I cannot control how people respond. All I can do is control my OWN response. This is the work.

Here are some things to say when you get a negative reaction to a boundary:
1. “I understand this might be upsetting for you, but it is what I am needing to do for myself.”
2. “You don’t need to approve of my choices, but please respect them.”
3. “Maybe we should talk later when we both feel more calm.”
Here are some things you can do if the person is refusing to accept the boundary.
1. Say goodbye and hang up the phone
2. Calmly gather your things and leave 
3. In a text/DM conversation state that you’re done speaking about this and do not respond.

What was the most painful response you’ve ever gotten to a boundary? I’ll share mine first “Nicole, you owe us” Ouch #selfhealers.

What came up over and over again when meeting many of you yesterday was one word: boundaries. How you didn’t know what they were, how to set them, and that you didn’t know you needed them. Lots of you shared that family members responded harshly to boundaries. I know first hand how painful and frustrating it is when people you love interpret boundaries as a punishment. Boundaries are an act of self love. BUT, if you’re lacking emotional maturity (like the vast majority of us) you won’t see that. You’ll interpret boundaries as a rejection. They will cut at your unhealed attachment wounds. And, depending on your ability to regulate your emotional response, you might lash out. Child-like responses are common because it brings out our hurt inner child. When I started setting boundaries with my family, I was floored by the reaction. My boundaries really hurt them. They didn’t understand them. How could they? We never practiced them. When we get this negative response, we can feel guilty and shameful. I felt confused— “do I even have a right to set them?” But with practice, I’ve learned I cannot control how people respond. All I can do is control my OWN response. This is the work. Here are some things to say when you get a negative reaction to a boundary: 1. “I understand this might be upsetting for you, but it is what I am needing to do for myself.” 2. “You don’t need to approve of my choices, but please respect them.” 3. “Maybe we should talk later when we both feel more calm.” Here are some things you can do if the person is refusing to accept the boundary. 1. Say goodbye and hang up the phone 2. Calmly gather your things and leave 3. In a text/DM conversation state that you’re done speaking about this and do not respond. What was the most painful response you’ve ever gotten to a boundary? I’ll share mine first “Nicole, you owe us” Ouch #selfhealers ...

Drop ❤️ to affirm!
@lukasnotes 
#mindsetofgreatness.

Drop ❤️ to affirm! @lukasnotes #mindsetofgreatness ...

Growing up in my home, there was always chaos. Even small events, like missing an appointment, would feel like catastrophes. Emotional reactivity a daily event. My parents weren’t modeled the skills to regulate their emotions.

They repeated the environments they’d grow up in, like all human beings do.

To this day, I still have anxiety in cars and when leaving my apartment. As a child, this is when my nervous system was activated the most.

I believe this is why from a young age I began dissociating. I’d leave my body and go somewhere else. My siblings and parents would say “nothing bothers, Nicole” or “Nicole is the level headed one.” Because I didn’t join in emotional reactivity meant I was ok. But I wasn’t. I learned to leave the present moment. And only return to it when I felt safe.

Reparenting has been a gift to me. Healing my nervous system, becoming conscious, and cultivating discipline (most difficult) has been a painful and enlightening journey. That’s what it is, a journey. Something you commit to every day. Something you you do for yourself in honor of people who couldn’t do it for you.

I’m thinking about putting together a 1 page PDF for beginning the reparenting process. Let me know your questions below, so I can make it most valuable for you all #selfhealers.

Growing up in my home, there was always chaos. Even small events, like missing an appointment, would feel like catastrophes. Emotional reactivity a daily event. My parents weren’t modeled the skills to regulate their emotions. They repeated the environments they’d grow up in, like all human beings do. To this day, I still have anxiety in cars and when leaving my apartment. As a child, this is when my nervous system was activated the most. I believe this is why from a young age I began dissociating. I’d leave my body and go somewhere else. My siblings and parents would say “nothing bothers, Nicole” or “Nicole is the level headed one.” Because I didn’t join in emotional reactivity meant I was ok. But I wasn’t. I learned to leave the present moment. And only return to it when I felt safe. Reparenting has been a gift to me. Healing my nervous system, becoming conscious, and cultivating discipline (most difficult) has been a painful and enlightening journey. That’s what it is, a journey. Something you commit to every day. Something you you do for yourself in honor of people who couldn’t do it for you. I’m thinking about putting together a 1 page PDF for beginning the reparenting process. Let me know your questions below, so I can make it most valuable for you all #selfhealers ...

Most Recent

• the thing about home is, it never really leaves you, even when you leave it.
___
I’ve met many people on my journey from country to country who have told me that I’m “very New York”, and it got me thinking about the impact our environment undoubtedly has on our behavior, our speech, and perhaps most importantly, our views on love and life. 
___
we often don’t realize the extent to which what we have seen growing up has had on what we now accept to be matter of fact. we love in ways that we’ve been loved and overcompensate in ways we haven’t. we live according to what we know to be “realistic”, and some of us, just some, manage to break past our physical environment to create a mental environment that has far more to offer. 
___
we enter a space that feels realer than anything the tangible world has shown us. we feel what we can be, rather than what we are. 
___
we dream beyond what we know. we reach for more. our centers tell us we were created to revel in a greatness larger than life, and so we strive to create a life that’s large enough to accommodate.
___
I hope your mind is reaching for what your history has yet to touch. I hope that when your soul turns on its magnetism and pulls you toward your unique greatness, you let it. 
___
@gloriyanedler xx.

• the thing about home is, it never really leaves you, even when you leave it. ___ I’ve met many people on my journey from country to country who have told me that I’m “very New York”, and it got me thinking about the impact our environment undoubtedly has on our behavior, our speech, and perhaps most importantly, our views on love and life. ___ we often don’t realize the extent to which what we have seen growing up has had on what we now accept to be matter of fact. we love in ways that we’ve been loved and overcompensate in ways we haven’t. we live according to what we know to be “realistic”, and some of us, just some, manage to break past our physical environment to create a mental environment that has far more to offer. ___ we enter a space that feels realer than anything the tangible world has shown us. we feel what we can be, rather than what we are. ___ we dream beyond what we know. we reach for more. our centers tell us we were created to revel in a greatness larger than life, and so we strive to create a life that’s large enough to accommodate. ___ I hope your mind is reaching for what your history has yet to touch. I hope that when your soul turns on its magnetism and pulls you toward your unique greatness, you let it. ___ @gloriyanedler xx ...

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DM to order 🔥🔥🔥🔥.

Stay Positive Shirt 🧠❤ ⁣ DM to order 🔥🔥🔥🔥 ...