@fousey This summer I suffered a very public and humiliating manic episode that really flipped my life upside down. I had just come off of my medications for the first time in years and foolishly used adderall as a substitute. What I thought was new found motivation and inspiration was really an out of control manic episode that took control of me and changed my life forever. There’s much to the story that is yet to be explained.
I’ve fallen many times in my life. But this year was the first time I actually hit rock bottom. They say that when you hit rock bottom, you experience something magical in your life that is forever life changing. I’ve yet to see the magic it brings.
In a single summer, I managed to lose all my money, cars, public respect, self respect, love, worth and even almost my parents home. Most importantly I lost the identity that I had built for myself to mask who I really was since the age of 21. I grew up in my 20’s living and hiding behind a camera. Using social media as a drug to escape from my real problems. I managed to flush a decade worth of work down the toilet and was back to square 1 lower than when I began. Thankfully, I still have family, food and my parents roof over my head.
Since the Summer, I have been trying my best to get help. From going on a spiritual journey (only to return early because they felt I wasn’t safe to be alone in my mental state and advised me to fly home to family), countless therapy sessions, getting on and off different medications looking for the right one and even outpatient rehab. I have yet to find my resolve. Even writing this, I am not in the right mental state nor healthy enough to be on social media. I am still on the path to recovery, with no end date in sight. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
All in all, I’m posting this to say I am very grateful for 2018 to be over. Enough has happened in my life publicly and even more behind the scenes where my prayers are for nothing new to creep into 2019. To anyone struggling and battling their own demons, just know you’re not alone. Life is a constant battle of ups and downs and the key is..well I don’t know the key yet.. but there is a key. Happy New Years. ❤️
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3 months ago